Free cat with every mortgage

A feline being the first to enter a family home symbolises good luck.

Lots of people hold a general hatred and disgust for cats, though not me. This is why I was enlightened by this recent newspaper article. The inhabitants of the house have the ability to choose the breed of cat they desire and the delivery time. Surely this is a bank offer than cannot be refused? Disappointingly in my eyes, the cat is not a house warming gift, but it is to signify luck.

After longingly wanting another feline, since mine decided to immigrate to my neighbour’s home, this article filled me with warmth. I love the idea of my favourite animal sprinkling ounces of good luck around the property, whilst taking part in a glamourous photo-shoot. The banks revealed, “Home owners are advised not to become too emotionally attached to their new cat”, although I would find this aspect entirely impossible.

I enjoy reading about the cats being treated like celebrities, and having photographs of themselves printed on vehicles, instead of undeserving and fame crazy people. Personally, I think it would be beneficial and successful for this advertising campaign to continue throughout other countries too.

Once the payment for the property is made to the bank, as a customer, legally you are entitled to a receipt and some documents and traditionally you are entitled to a feline of your personal preference. I imagine people would turn up their noses at this aspect, but my arms are wide open. Despite me missing my kitten who decided to flee, this is a loan I would definitely be eager to participate in.  Suddenly, the Russian culture seems more exciting than the one I am involved in now.

Food should have no noise

Just imagine people are the dinner table conversing politely, in between dusting off bites of their dinner. Otherwise, their lips are superglued shut to contain the food whirling around inside. Then imagine the silver glint of the pieces of cutlery, as they glide around the plate like professional figure skaters, and satisfyingly, nobody’s limbs are placed on the table.

On this occasion, my opinion has dramatically worsened. The significance of table manners in my life beforehand was extremely low. Now they are massively noticeable. I am not sure how a habit I was oblivious to beforehand aggravates me so much now.

Surely it must take more effort to make noise than it does to eat quietly? Sometimes I am forced under the impression people do it with intent, in order to sustain a reaction. As it is said ‘Eating loudly is a choice, not an affliction’. I find it amusing visualising how I would react ever being placed on a TV programme such as Come Dine with Me. As I lack cooking skills and the ability to deal with people’s eating habits, so I would flop unsuccessfully. But as a huge fan of Big Brother, it is pure torment when the housemate’s microphone is located on their collar whilst their food is entering their mouth. When the infuriating noise is even coming out of the television, it is almost impossible to find an escape.

I believe it is also self-inflicted on my behalf. Mentally, it causes stress for a minute and silly reason. In my head, I formed a positive correlation between how much I hear people slapping their lips whilst eating, and the amount of discomfort I endure.

It is always a good sign when a person’s eating habits go unnoticed. But sometimes, I spring to the realisation that it is merely a scrape or a slap or an elbow on a table, and that the person is only “enjoying their food”. Although, the inkling of dread still exists when that particularly loud member of the family is invited round for dinner.

Some people have access to special abilities that make it physically possible to make quiet foods sound loud. Or making a still liquid, create a huge ‘SLURPPP’.  Whereas, in Japan slurping loudly whilst eating noodles shows that the food is delicious and it is considered rude not to slurp. It is like a parallel universe.