The Media

1.    A perfectly sized block house with a garden.

2.    Working for a particular stable wage package, in terms of the government’s expectations.

3.    Find a perfect relationship, were children and marriage are foreseeable.

4.    Eat healthily and nutritionally at all times and create a consistent exercise programme.

5.    Ensure your family have a respectable reputation.

12th January 2016

• ·         Two celery sticks with guacamole – 50 calories
• ·         50 minute jog
• ·         Worked in office for 9.5 hours
• ·         Removed the weeds sprouting in the front garden

 Today I booked my plastic surgery, (a nose job and botox injection in the upper cheeks with Dr. HW at 2.30pm January 20th 2016) and spent a proportional amount of my time and wage package on items of clothing I have seen on advertisements.

 His infidelity and obesity disgust me on a level no-one would be able to understand. My view is cemented. If you are not living a conventional life, you are doing it completely and utterly wrong. My brother is no exception. He’s spattered all over the magazines like a dead fly, I despise whatever ludicrous living method he is following. Our beliefs and views are controlled; there is no room for freedom in such a way that he is expressing it.

 10th February 2016

• ·         Apple salad and green tea – 63 calories
• ·         Gym for 75 minutes
• ·         Worked in office for 10.5 hours
• ·         Hair dyed electric blonde at a hairdressers which was recommended on the TV

Intelligence isn’t key is being successful. Being successful is having a routine and following the orders of the government. The fact my brother, Brad King, is an intelligent business and writer is irrelevant. The fact, my brother gives her family our bad name, with his lack of stability, gambling habits, and unappealing physical appearance is what is relevant. I am certain he has more haters, than there are people in this country.

 Forms of media said “King involved in vicious fight”, “King blows £10,000 in casino”, “King puts on 3 stone”, “King photographed with 4 girls at once”.

 It is not possible to be oblivious to the media and what is conveys. You have to be engulfed in the media to have a good life. The King family would have a reputation of high authority if he wasn’t here, ruining things. I refuse to be dragged into his minority, or be linked with him in any way.

 24th March 2016

1. ·         Muesli and avocado – 78 calories
2. ·         Celebrity exercise DVD – 60 minutes
3. ·         Worked in office for 8.75 hours
4. ·         Applied for online dating websites in order to find the right man

“BRAD KING IN FIGHT OVER DRUGS” read my newspaper this morning. A burning anger rose from my feet to my brain. Who does he think he is? The disrespect is mounting higher and higher. The photograph showed him in a ripped shirt, with his overweight stomach on view. “King’s secret addition causes a storm; the star was arrested at 23:41pm last night by London police.”

The society we belong to does not allow the use of any illegal substances, it is entirely unacceptable. The media are presenting him as an evil creature, one that I do not want to be biologically or socially related to. But, after being angered by his ridiculous behaviour for the last few years, I think it is time I called for a meeting during his release on bail. Before I decide what procedure I want to take next.

1st April 2016

• ·         Tuna and pepper – 120 calories
• ·         90 minute aerobics class
• ·         Worked in office for 10 hours
• ·         Went shopping for organic vegetables

 “KING SIBLINGS IN HEATED ROW” I picked the magazine up and threw into the shopping trolley. This is what the media wanted I guess. For everyone to know the truth. The levels of embarrassment were too high. He had crumpled up my perfect lifestyle and thrown it into latest media frenzy.

 My method of persuasion failed to work. He refused to be the citizen he should be. I still remain in a state of shock over the ordeal. I am going to have to get rid of him. My cheeks burned with anger and my brain shook inside my skull violently. He has to go.

 The scandalous magazine I had just purchased could be beneficial. I should practise before doing it properly. Hopefully it would melt away all of the stress and worry. Hopefully. It would melt away a lot of things, and my life would continue to be a conventional dream. The plan had to work, there was no other option. I must identify a place where there is no media coverage: his private home. I know the specific spots in his home that the camera do not view. Then, I must find an allocated time that he will be there and teach my brother a good life lesson. I life lesson nobody will forget.

The media will suspect another celebrity did it; I’ll give them some good imaginative headlines.

Yes. That’s right. That’s the only way. Surely.

I bought a lighter for the kiosk at the front of the store.

 17th May 2016

• ·         Slop – Not observant of the calories
• ·         No space to exercise between the four walls, except limits walking breaks in the grounds
• ·         No career waiting for me
• ·         No-one came to meet me at visiting hours

“KING BURNT ALIVE IN HOUSE FIRE”

They damaged me.

Forms of media said, “All unpublished writing material demolished along with his loving soul”, “Successful star will always be a king”, “Talented, young and inspirational – loved and cherished by all”.

 Liars, they are all liars.

Free cat with every mortgage

A feline being the first to enter a family home symbolises good luck.

Lots of people hold a general hatred and disgust for cats, though not me. This is why I was enlightened by this recent newspaper article. The inhabitants of the house have the ability to choose the breed of cat they desire and the delivery time. Surely this is a bank offer than cannot be refused? Disappointingly in my eyes, the cat is not a house warming gift, but it is to signify luck.

After longingly wanting another feline, since mine decided to immigrate to my neighbour’s home, this article filled me with warmth. I love the idea of my favourite animal sprinkling ounces of good luck around the property, whilst taking part in a glamourous photo-shoot. The banks revealed, “Home owners are advised not to become too emotionally attached to their new cat”, although I would find this aspect entirely impossible.

I enjoy reading about the cats being treated like celebrities, and having photographs of themselves printed on vehicles, instead of undeserving and fame crazy people. Personally, I think it would be beneficial and successful for this advertising campaign to continue throughout other countries too.

Once the payment for the property is made to the bank, as a customer, legally you are entitled to a receipt and some documents and traditionally you are entitled to a feline of your personal preference. I imagine people would turn up their noses at this aspect, but my arms are wide open. Despite me missing my kitten who decided to flee, this is a loan I would definitely be eager to participate in.  Suddenly, the Russian culture seems more exciting than the one I am involved in now.

Food should have no noise

Just imagine people are the dinner table conversing politely, in between dusting off bites of their dinner. Otherwise, their lips are superglued shut to contain the food whirling around inside. Then imagine the silver glint of the pieces of cutlery, as they glide around the plate like professional figure skaters, and satisfyingly, nobody’s limbs are placed on the table.

On this occasion, my opinion has dramatically worsened. The significance of table manners in my life beforehand was extremely low. Now they are massively noticeable. I am not sure how a habit I was oblivious to beforehand aggravates me so much now.

Surely it must take more effort to make noise than it does to eat quietly? Sometimes I am forced under the impression people do it with intent, in order to sustain a reaction. As it is said ‘Eating loudly is a choice, not an affliction’. I find it amusing visualising how I would react ever being placed on a TV programme such as Come Dine with Me. As I lack cooking skills and the ability to deal with people’s eating habits, so I would flop unsuccessfully. But as a huge fan of Big Brother, it is pure torment when the housemate’s microphone is located on their collar whilst their food is entering their mouth. When the infuriating noise is even coming out of the television, it is almost impossible to find an escape.

I believe it is also self-inflicted on my behalf. Mentally, it causes stress for a minute and silly reason. In my head, I formed a positive correlation between how much I hear people slapping their lips whilst eating, and the amount of discomfort I endure.

It is always a good sign when a person’s eating habits go unnoticed. But sometimes, I spring to the realisation that it is merely a scrape or a slap or an elbow on a table, and that the person is only “enjoying their food”. Although, the inkling of dread still exists when that particularly loud member of the family is invited round for dinner.

Some people have access to special abilities that make it physically possible to make quiet foods sound loud. Or making a still liquid, create a huge ‘SLURPPP’.  Whereas, in Japan slurping loudly whilst eating noodles shows that the food is delicious and it is considered rude not to slurp. It is like a parallel universe.